Wednesday, August 17, 2011

**My Many Faces

This mornings bgl was 19.6 with 0.6 ketones!!!  I would usually give Abbey a shot and a correction but she had a bad shot yesterday that brought tears so I'm not going to put her through that again we will just go with the correction, anyway I let her lay in my bed and go back to sleep. Since I was wide awake in reflection, I felt a blog coming on!!

I'm not afraid to say that I'm in a pretty dark place at the moment, so If you are a newly diagnosed parent you may not want to read any further..some of you may relate to me and others may not, but this is my blog...

I wonder if 2 years should be long enough to know everything a parent should know about their childs chronic disease. I remember being 3 weeks out of hospital after diagnosis and having to call the emergency line for advice and the nurse asked if we were newly diagnosed! I said  'Oh no it's been nearly 4 weeks now' she gave a little chuckle, I couldn't understand what  that chuckle was for??

I still cannot understand why I can't get it right!

When you have a broken arm, you get it fixed!

When you are very ill you have medicine that comes with instructions!

Why can't I get this right??

Why can't I think like a pancreas!  Damn it ! I've even read the book!

Before our diagnosis, I had no idea whatsoever about Type 1 Diabetes. I actually thought the doctors would just fix Abbey up and things would be right again...
This was the face of denial. I remember thinking... 'things could be worse'.

I find it bothersome when people ask me why I can't get Abbey's bgls in control. We can never perfectly mimic the human pancreas all we can do is try to manage it the best we can.
When you see my blue candle it means another friend's child has lost their fight with this disease.
This is the face of anger.

How can this happen??

Loss is the hardest thing to live with!   when I lost my mother I thought I would die right along with her, the same happened when I lost my father....Now I live with a different sense of loss! the loss of having a perfectly healthy child one day to this new life of uncertainty .
This is the face of sadness.


Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Sudden Realization....(22nd of May 2011)

>Shopping.....I used to love shopping, I could spend an hour in a chemist. One day I spent the whole day in Target..I was only going in there to get some socks for the girls and before I knew it, it was time to pick them up.
I don't shop that much any more!! 
I have thought about it a few times - as to why I don't go that much anymore but I could never find the answer.
Anyhow, a couple of days ago I saw a link that one my friends posted and I felt as though it had been written for me ..It was about parents of type 1 diabetes children.
The expert stated that on' looking into the parents, sleep deprived eye's , she could see the tears just behind the eye's.
It was after reading this. I realized that I started feeling this way. 
I think people can see the sadness and sleep deprevation in my eyes >> come to think of it- they even mention that I look tired'."I'm actually afraid that they might think I'm not coping well" it's best to just stay home and keep myself occupied.
Well!!! I'm not doing this any longer..I'm going back to the shops as the same whole person I was!  and yes I probably do have sleep deprived eyes with tears just behind them but I am not broken yet it's just hard some day's.....